What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
MIDGETS
????
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
