Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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