Having a random hookup so left but love u
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
