And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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