Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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