I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
