standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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