I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
