remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
