You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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