Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
