i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
