i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
operation have a gay friend backfired
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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