margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
