i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
