So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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