apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
