Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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