so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
