Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
