i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
