I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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