Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
