There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
