I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
ttyl tear gas
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
