i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
