Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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