his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
