So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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