She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
