Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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