shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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