It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
