Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize