I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
