THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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