Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
