I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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