my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I am one with the molecules
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
