I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
All I want is dick and wine.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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