hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
