Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
