Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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