the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
