So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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