You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
