oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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