Welp...herpes.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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