Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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