I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
