My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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