Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
