I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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