he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
