You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
