Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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