so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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