She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
