You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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