FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
