so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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