you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
