I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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