how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize