We had to coat check the pizza.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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