I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
