All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
