When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
