C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
