I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
