that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
