he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Randomize
