WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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