I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize