I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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