It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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