Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
