its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
