im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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