And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
