If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize