Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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