fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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