YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
