I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We are all done wearing pants today
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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