I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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