he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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