I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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