my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
