I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
