I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
