I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
