so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
