idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I need water and some morals
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
