batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i was born a porn star she said
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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