god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
