Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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