So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
