please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I have tasted many bathrooms
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
