In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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