made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
