Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
