i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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