I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
