D3 body, D1 cock
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
