i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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