Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
