apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
