But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
