Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
