You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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