Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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