Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
smell my finger.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
